Stuff My Sisters Will Like

To Jenny, Katie and Laura, From Their Brother, Victor

A Smallville Disputation: Lana vs. Chloe November 3, 2013

Filed under: Catholicism,Funny,Neat,Religion,Sci-fi,Silly Studies,Stuff,TV — Fr. Victor Feltes @ 8:00 am

In 2007, my schoolmates and I were fans of the TV show Smallville. Guys fell into two camps of allegiance, leading to much debate. My position was propounded through the following disputation:

Question:  Whether Chloe Sullivan is preferable to Lana Lane?
Objection 1:  It seems that Lana Lane is preferable to Chloe Sullivan, for as the Quotesmith Robert might say, “She is a rare beauty.”
Objection 2:  Furthermore, Clark Kent has not saved any other person on more occasions than Lana.  Like the man who rejoices more greatly in rescuing the lost sheep than in the others which do not stray (Matthew 18:12-13), it is right for Clark to prefer her.
Objection 3:  Lana knows Kung-Fu.  Chloe doesn’t.
Reply to Objection 1 (That Lana is a “rare beauty”):  Although the simple testimony of the senses attests to the beauty of both women, Sirach teaches that a beautiful woman with additional virtues is preferable to one with beauty alone.  “A woman’s beauty makes her husband’s face light up, for it surpasses all else that charms the eye; And if, besides, her speech is kindly, his lot is beyond that of mortal men” (Sirach 36:22-23).  Chloe is not merely beautiful, but kind-spoken, loyal, and funny too.
Reply to Objection 2 (That Lana is more precious):  Though Clark may prefer Lana, he ought not.  A proverb says, “A worthy wife is her husband’s joy and crown; a shameful wife saps his strength” (Proverbs 12:4).  How may many times has Clark been rendered powerless by Kryptonite while rescuing Lana, and then only to receive grief from her as his reward?
Reply to Objection 3 (That Lana knows Kung-Fu):  As Qoheleth, the author of Ecclesiastes, writes, “Wisdom is better than force” (Ecclesiastes 9:16).  Chloe’s insightful wisdom can enlighten regarding any subject, be it deep background on a shadowy top-secret Luther Corp research program or relationship advice, adverting conflicts.
On the contrary, as the Proverb states, “Like a golden ring in a swine’s snout is a beautiful woman with a rebellious disposition” (Proverbs 11:22).
I answer that Chloe is preferable for she is both lovely and the more perfect embodiment of love.  As St. Paul the Apostle says, “Love is patient, love is kind … it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs … It always protects, always trusts” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5,7).  A proverb observes that when a man finds a worthy wife, “She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.  She opens her mouth in wisdom, and on her tongue is kindly counsel” (Proverbs 31:12,26).  These passages, in a head-to-head comparison, far better describe the character of Chloe, proving her to be preferable to Lana.


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