Stuff My Sisters Will Like

To Jenny, Katie and Laura, From Their Brother, Victor

Positive Rotten Movie Reviews August 22, 2013

Filed under: Funny,Movies,Silly Studies,Stuff — Fr. Victor Feltes @ 8:00 am

Rotten Tomatoes rated these movies in the bottom 5 percentile of films, but there was still a generous critics or two to say something good about each of them:
Battlefield Earth (2000) “It’s been a while since we’ve seen dumb entertainment this unpretentious, so why worry that it doesn’t make a lick of sense?” [I guess if they make Battlefield Moon as a sequel, the actors should just walk across the lunar surface; slowly hopping in spacesuits would be too pretentious.]
Bless the Child (2000) “The film is actually pretty creepy despite its strident predictability, and I found myself jumping in places I didn’t expect.” [As opposed to jumping at the expected moments, I guess.]
Rollerball (2002) “I went with it. So, I’m guessing, will a lot of that cherished demographic, 14- to 34-year-old boys.” [As a 32-year-old boy, I resent that.]
The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002) “Though my expectations for the film were exceptionally low, it turns out that The Adventures of Pluto Nash is just diverting enough to recommend it.” [“Just.” Update: Since its release, The Adventures of Pluto Nash has been demoted to The Dwarf-Adventures of Pluto Nash.]
Bloodrayne (2004) “It’d be a stretch to call the movie good, but at least it’s fun-bad.” [In other words, camp can be fun but you don’t want to live there.]
Daddy Day Camp (2007) “Well, what did anyone expect Daddy Day Camp to be?” [Blaming the victims.]
Meet the Spartans (2008) “Don’t expect anything of depth and you won’t be disappointed by this predigested pabulum.” [Is he saying that even the predigested pabulum is shallow, or just mixing his metaphors?]
Of these seven movies, which one would you guess grossed the most money?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s