Stuff My Sisters Will Like

To Jenny, Katie and Laura, From Their Brother, Victor

“The American Noah” Or “A Vexillological Study” October 27, 2012

Filed under: Funny,History,Neat,Politics,Religion,Silly Studies,Stuff — Fr. Victor Feltes @ 8:00 am

If God commanded a modern-day Noah to build an ark and fill it with humans and animals numbered according to their appearances on the 50 U.S. state flags, what creatures, and how many of each, would he have to take along?

Fifteen states’ flags are completely devoid of life. Eight others feature plants, but no animal life. A study of the remaining 27 flags would reveal the following:

  • California – 1 Bear
  • Delaware – 2 Men, 1 Ox
  • Florida – 1 Woman
  • Georgia – 1 Man
  • Idaho – 2 Men, 1 Woman, 1 Horse, 1 Stag
  • Illinois – 1 Eagle
  • Iowa – 1 Eagle
  • Kansas – 3 Men, 8 Oxen, 3 Buffalo, 2 Horses
  • Kentucky – 2 Men
  • Louisiana – 4 Pelicans (i.e., 1 mother, 3 nestlings)
  • Maine – 2 Men, 1 Moose
  • Massachusetts – 1 Man, 1 Human Arm
  • Michigan – 1 Man, 1 Eagle, 1 Elk, 1 Moose
  • Minnesota – 2 Men, 1 Horse
  • Missouri – 3 Bears, 1 Eagle
  • New Jersey – 2 Women, 1 Horse (head)
  • New York – 2 Women, 1 Eagle
  • North Dakota – 1 Eagle
  • (Note: Oklahoma’s has 7 eagle feathers, but no eagles)
  • Oregon – 2 Oxen, 1 Eagle, 1 Beaver (on reverse)
  • Pennsylvania – 2 Horses, 1 Eagle
  • South Dakota – 1 Man, 2 Horses, 4 Cows, 1 Bull
  • Utah – 7 Bees, 1 Eagle
  • Vermont – 1 Cow, 1 Stag (head)
  • Virginia – 1 Woman, 1 Man (possibly dead)
  • Washington – 1 Man (i.e., George Washington)
  • West Virginia – 2 Men
  • Wisconsin – 2 Men, 1 Human Arm, 1 Badger
  • Wyoming – 2 Men, 1 Woman, 1 Buffalo, 1 Eagle

Thus, the ark’s passengers would include:

  • 9 Women
  • 26 Men (assuming the two arms belong to living, intact males)
  • 1 Badger
  • 1 Beaver
  • 4 Bears
  • 4 Bison (a.k.a. Buffalo)
  • 5 Deer (2 Stags, 2 Moose, 1 Elk)
  • 9 Horses
  • 17 Cattle (11 Oxen, 1 Bull, 5 Cows)
  • 4 Pelicans
  • 7 Bees
  • 10 Bald Eagles

In sum:

  • 35 People
  • And 62 Animals
  • Totaling 97 Creatures

We probably don’t have to worry about this American Noah scenario actually occurring (see Genesis 9:15,) but just to be on the safe side I suggest that if Puerto Rico votes to join the Union their flag should contain micro-images of all U.S. citizens in the shape of (at very least) 1 male and 1 female pig.  Thus we shall ensure the saving of our bacon in both senses.

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One Response to ““The American Noah” Or “A Vexillological Study””


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