Stuff My Sisters Will Like

To Jenny, Katie and Laura, From Their Brother, Victor

My Ugly Soup Theorem May 11, 2012

Filed under: Neat,Politics,Silly Studies,Stuff,TV — Fr. Victor Feltes @ 8:00 am

My Ugly Soup Theorem*:

“When a person or thing has been intelligently selected based upon the presence of two qualities, observing a lack in one of these qualities indicates an abundance of the other.”

Like Issac Newton in his apple orchard, this insight came to me in my university cafeteria. One day, they offered two soups: the familiar vegetable beef, and an unfamiliar, greenish slop called split pea soup. I was about to choose the first, more visually-appealing option, when it dawned to me, “If the split pea soup ain’t here for its looks it must have something else in its favor: taste!” Though students everywhere like to complain about institutional food, I had found our cooks’ offerings to be reliably enjoyable. So I trusted that they knew what they were doing when they served this ugly soup. I reasoned that these soups had been intelligently selected based upon the presence of two qualities: taste and appearance. Therefore, the ugliness of the split pea soup indicated an abundance of flavor. I took a bowl-full and was not disappointed.

Other applications:

  • Answer this one for yourself: Why would a gorgeous woman most-likely marry a less than handsome man?
  • If you ever see a less than gorgeous/handsome news anchor or frequent pundit on TV, listen to them; they’re likely to know what they’re talking about.
  • A short NBA player will have above-average ball-handling skills.
  • The Catholic Church’s daily Office of Readings for priests and religious includes writings from two millenia. They seem to be chosen based on the author’s reputation and/or the quality of the piece. The frequent selections from St. Augustine are ok, but works by somebody you’ve never heard of (like an excerpt of Anonymous’ Early Church Letter to Diognetus) is more likely to be amazing.
  • Any other applications come to mind?

* – This theorem is an example of a disjunctive syllogism, and may be expressed this way using Boolean algebra:

1.  A v B   (Statement A or Statement B are True)
2.  ~B       (Statement A is Not True)                     
3.  ∴  A    (Therefore, Statement A is True)

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4 Responses to “My Ugly Soup Theorem”

  1. Or there was just some peas left over from something else that needed to get used up…

    • victorfeltes Says:

      That suggestion is, of course, preposterous since it would undermine the seminal inspiration of my grand theorem.

      • I was making black bean soup the other day, and its one that I made at the shrine several times, and I always got lots of positive feedback. It’s one of my favorites to make. I made it at school and everyone thought it had a weird color, and were hesitant to try it… this made me think of this post.

  2. The favorite sister Says:

    Very thought provoking!


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