The Northern North American exploits of this giant among lumberjacks were first reported in the U.S. in 1910, though his deeds date back to 1837. Though he has cleared millions of acres of woodland, Greenpeace has never dared to criticize him or his massive axe. He and his faithful companion, Babe the Blue Ox, are responsible for forming most of the bodies of water throughout the Upper Midwest.
Since 1991, this Super Bowl winning Chicago football coach has held the undefeated respect of his superfan admirers. Once, in the gap between Green Bay’s glory days, Ditka led the Da Bears in a 238 to negative 2 win over the Packers. (Ditka found a way.) It has been said that in a theoretical matchup between Ditka and a hurricane, Ditka would triumph effortlessly (unless the hurricane was named “Ditka.”)
Since 1996, on bar stools across the country, colleges and buddies have looked up to this 10 foot tall, successful business man and universally acknowledged SOB. It is said that he showers in grain alcohol, sheds his skin once a year, and uses his thigh as an anvil. He framed Roger Rabbit. Brasky was once seen scissor-kicking Angela Lansberry, and has been known to ride upon a steed perchance to spy a lady.
Facts about this roundhouse-kicking hero’s powers of manliness began sweeping the Internet in early 2005. Reportedly, Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits. His tears can cure cancer, unfortunately he has never cried. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Ghosts sit around their campfires and tell Chuck Norris stories.
The Most Interesting Man in the World
Many know of him now due to his 2006 personal endorsement: “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.” This international man of sophistication has lived a truly amazing life. So much so, that when he goes to Rome, they do as he does.
The always smooth and all-‘Merican Keith Stone has been Keystone Light’s spokesman since early 2010. He is perhaps the most recent among the men of legend, but he will surely not be the last.