Stuff My Sisters Will Like

To Jenny, Katie and Laura, From Their Brother, Victor

Mark Your Calendars May 29, 2011

Filed under: Funny,History,Neat,Silly Studies,Stuff — Fr. Victor Feltes @ 8:00 am

An almanac of reasonably safe predictions for the near and distant future.

London hosts the XXX (I mean, the 30th) Summer Olympiad.
The Mayan Long Count calendar begins a new 144,000 day “great cycle” and, contrary to fears, the world does not come to an end.

The “twenty-teens” begin.
Super Bowl XLVII is played in New Orleans, while some complain about the ridiculous amounts companies spent on ads.
Freedom Tower is completed in Lower Manhattan, more than 4,000 days after 9-11.

Super Bowl XLVIII is played outside, in chilly New Jersey, while some complain about the ridiculous amounts people paid for cold seats.
Beautiful Sochi, Russia hosts the Winter Olympics beside the Black Sea.
In Brazil, sports announcers emphasize that a side has scored in the FIFA World Cup final by prolonging their “o’s.”

Tropical Storm Ana, the first of the season, forms over the Atlantic.
The first in a new class of supercarriers, the USS Gerald R. Ford (CVN-78), launches from Newport News, VA; however, former President Gerald Ford is unable to attend.
College students watching Back to the Future II laugh at its vision of the future (their present) and gripe about their own lack of hoverboards.

The U.S.A. wins many golds at the Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Millions of Americans, from West to East, behold a full solar eclipse with awe.

Vodka is imbibed by fans and competitors alike during the FIFA World Cup soccer tournament in Russia.

In conformance with Moore’s Law, exaflop supercomputers now perform a quintillion (or a million trillion) calculations per second.
In other technology news, IPad-style devices now have 1,280 GB of memory, enough to hold all 90 Best Picture award-winning films.

Festivity marks the opening of Shelby, Iowa‘s 50 year time capsule; local residents feel excitement and some reminisce about good old days.

Home computers now have 1 petabyte of memory (or 1 million gigabytes of RAM,) yet still freeze-up while running.

Very high security accompanies the FIFA World Cup tournament held in the Persian Gulf nation of Qatar.

Walt Disney’s 1928 cartoon Steamboat Willie falls into the public domain; young children, upon viewing it, are unimpressed.

For months before the presidential election, candidates annoy the electorate by flooding the internet and airwaves with campaign ads.

250 years after the Declaration of Independence, the United States celebrates its Sestercentennial; a feminist dubs it “The Year of the Sesters.”

India has surpassed China as the world’s most populated country.

Some very beautiful women are seen wearing some very ugly dresses on the red carpet at the 100th Academy Awards.

World population numbers something more than 8 billion people.

The Pope marks the bimillennium of Christianity; meanwhile, atheists predict the religion’s demise, though varying as to dates.

Easter falls on its latest possible date, April 25th, for the first time since 1943; similiarly, many Christians arrive at Easter services at the latest possible moment.

The Churchill-Roosevelt Destroyers for Bases Agreement‘s ninety-nine-year rent-free base leases granted to the U.S. by the U.K. (in exchange for 50 destroyers) expires.

After 50 years, the Nickelodeon time capsule is opened, revealing an issue of TV Guide, a Nintendo Game Boy, a VHS tape of Home Alone, and other items.

After 75 years, the Normandy time capsule is opened, revealing news reports of the June 6, 1944 landings as placed by “newsmen” who were there.
Something interesting happens in Montana and parts of North Dakota when the moon blocks out the sun. Thereafter, things return to normal.

Non-Hispanic Whites now make up less than half of the total U.S. population.
Americans from Northern California to Florida are warned not to look directly at a total eclipse of the sun. Many are safeguarded from this danger by cloudy skies.

The last Generation X-ers turn 65.
The first Baby-Boomers turn 100.

Computer nerds celebrate the “Year 2k,” an event of little memory.
A full moon lands on leap day for the first time since 1972.

World population numbers more than 9 billion souls.

Halley’s Comet sails by earth; most who saw its last flyby in 1986 have passed away.

The battle of Super Bowl 100 (or Super Bowl C) is waged, while some spectators complain about the ridiculous prices for a hotdog and a beer.

The first footprints remain on the lunar surface a century after the first Apollo moon landing.

The year 1500 AH is celebrated in Islamic countries (according to their calendar.)
Patriotic Americans, marking their country’s tricentennial, sing God Bless America.


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