Stuff My Sisters Will Like

To Jenny, Katie and Laura, From Their Brother, Victor

Exposé: The Onion Publishes Lies! November 6, 2010

Filed under: Catholicism,Funny,Neat,Stuff — Fr. Victor Feltes @ 7:00 am

Fresh from The Onion, here is your horoscope for the week.  But, if you don’t like what you find, just pick from one of these other horoscopes. You see, it really doesn’t matter, because astrology is bunk.
St. Augustine figured this out almost 1,600 years ago and wrote about it in his City of God (Book V, Chapter 1 and following.) He proved it by reflecting upon twins. We would expect twins, who are conceived and born in the same moments, in the same places, and under the same governing stars, to have no differences to their fates. Yet, St. Augustine observes that twins can so greatly differ  in “professions, arts, honors, and other things pertaining to human life, also in their very deaths,” that  “as far as these things are concerned, many entire strangers are more like them than they are like each other….” (Consider Jacob and Esau.)
“Ah, this is true,” the astrologers may reply, “but it is due to the slight differences in the times of their births.  The heavens spin rapidly, and a mere moment can make a world of difference.” But this rationalization will not stand, for if a mere moment makes such a great difference in a person’s fate, between poverty and riches, sickness and health, long-life and sudden death, then how can any astrologer dare to claim that they understand what any passing moment’s unique configuration of stars dictate for anyone’s life? So you see, The Onion’s newspages contain hogwash. My advice is to read this publication with caution.
Bonus Exposé: The Onion’s motto, “Tu Stultus Es,” means “You are stupid” in Latin.


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